jewelledhours | [Koyama/Yamapi] In This Quiet World

Title: In This Quiet World
Pairing: Koyama/Yamapi
Author:

misticloud
Rating: PG
Words: 1,993
Summary: Nothing but the two of them and this quiet world.
Note: Birthday fic for

w_ryoku, who has been a lovely friend ever since the day we first met. Not in chronological order.

In This Quiet World

"We were so blind," says Koyama the first time they kiss, eyes still open at the wonder that is happening to them. "It took us five years to get to this point? Where have we been all this while?"

Yamapi runs his hand down the side of Koyama's face. "Making our way towards each other, I guess."

Koyama considers that for a moment, then smiles. Yamapi tilts his head forward and they lean in for their second kiss. "Should've moved faster, though."

… …

When Yamapi thinks about it, he finds that it's perfectly natural that he should have fallen in love with Koyama. He the front leader, Koyama the MC, the both of them sitting beside each other in the front row helming interviews, talking to hosts, smiling at the cameras. He has depended more on Koyama than on any other member in the group except Ryo, and Koyama has always come through, resolving problems that he didn't know how to handle and bringing the group together when he'd been too caught up in his own resentment to bother overly much about what a leader should do.

He thinks that perhaps he doesn't deserve someone like Koyama. Doesn't merit all the kindness, generosity, and support that Koyama so freely gives. In the five years that they've known each other, five years of give and take, he has always been the one taking, hardly the one giving.

But then Koyama catches his eye in the mirror as the group goes through the dance moves again and the smile on his face is exclusive, private, and Yamapi thinks that who does really deserve so much love anyway, who ever deserves so much happiness? It's not about whether you deserve it or not, that's just self-conscious thinking. All it's about is what life has somehow seen fit to give you and how you should cherish it, put all your heart into it, learn how to embrace.

… …

Koyama keeps himself busy when Yamapi is away. There're a lot of chores to do around the apartment, especially since Yamapi seems to have a penchant for leaving behind trails of destruction. There are containers in the fridge that are uncapped; frozen food packages that have expired for a week; half-washed dishes left soaking in the kitchen sink; towels left lying on the bathroom floor with no clue as to whether or not they're clean; and clothes mish-mashed together in Yamapi's closet signifying lateness, hurried packing and grabbing of whatever first comes to hand.

Koyama typically spends the first day of Yamapi's absence straightening the mess. By the time he's done cleaning up the apartment and throwing out unwanted things, it's evening and he gives Shige a call to go out for dinner together. Most of the time Shige is available, but when he's tied up with schoolwork or family obligations, Koyama scrolls through his address book to find some other companion. He has over 800 names in his book, so it isn't often (if ever) that he's forced to end up alone.

When he's out with friends, he doesn't think about Yamapi at all. Koyama's not the type who broods over absent lovers and frustrates the people around him by constantly referring to his significant other. He lets go, has a good time, drinks a couple of beers, sometimes goes for a two-hour karaoke session before returning to Yamapi's apartment and flopping exhaustedly on the bed.

Only then does he begin to feel Yamapi's absence, all the nooks and corners that seem strangely empty, the spaces that are more apparent. But before he begins to get really lonely, his handphone rings.

"Missed me?" Yamapi says when he picks up.

"I didn't think about you at all today," says Koyama, faking an indifferent voice, "except when I saw the dirty dishes in the sink and the expired milk in the fridge."

"Oh, it was expired? Maybe that's why I've been having stomachache the whole day."

Koyama jumps up, "What? Do you have any medicine with you? Is it very bad?"

A pause, then a low chuckle on the other end of the line, "You know, I can picture you right now. You've just returned home and you're lying on the bed and thinking now that Pi's away, the apartment seems very big."

"Um," says Koyama, still worried over Yamapi's stomachache.

"The only thing wrong with that picture is that you seem to think my sense of smell has deteriorated to the extent that I would drink expired milk."

Koyama blinks.

"Did I get it right?"

"You liar," Koyama says, then starts laughing. Yamapi laughs along with him and in the middle of their laughter, he says, "Yes."

… …

The song is taking shape in melody and lyrics and Yamapi watches as Koyama bends over the scattered pieces of notepaper on the table, humming tunes distractedly to himself. He has always known that Koyama puts effort into his work, all of them do, but when they first agreed to do a duet together, he hadn't imagined that Koyama would be this dedicated. It's going to turn out brilliantly, better than any duet he has ever done, and it belongs entirely to them.

Koyama looks up, seemingly to say something, and catches Yamapi's gaze. They stare at each other for a moment, Yamapi's eyes thoughtful, Koyama's startled, until Yamapi smiles and says, "This is going to be great."

"Y-yeah," Koyama stutters a little in wake of the new ideas suddenly springing up in his mind.

Yamapi continues watching as Koyama lowers his head over the sheets of paper again, a hot blush working its way down from his ears to his cheeks, and wonders why he has never seen Koyama before.

… …

Six months into the relationship, Koyama enlists Shige's help in unpacking boxes and shifting furniture at Yamapi's new apartment, where Koyama will naturally be a frequent visitor. Shige comes willingly enough, but three hours and four boxes later, he's flat on the living room sofa and nothing Koyama does can make him move off it.

"This is voluntary servitude. Even paid workers get a rest every now and then."

In the face of such logic, Koyama gives up and sits down on the floor, leaning against the foot of the sofa. They're quiet for a moment before Shige says, "How does Yamashita-kun put up with a spaz like you?"

"I don't know," says Koyama, turning his head and giving Shige a cheeky grin. "How did you put up with me all these years?"

"I'm more than happy to be handing the pain over to him."

"He seems more than happy to take over."

"Seriously," says Shige, "how did you guys do it?"

Koyama laughs, wonders briefly if there's more in Shige's question than he lets on. "If you're jealous, you just have to say so, Shige."

Shige's eyebrows quirk and Koyama suddenly understands. He turns and punches Shige's leg. "Don’t be stupid, Shige. Nothing changes!"

"I never said anything would," says Shige huffily, and jumps up from the sofa. "Come on, do you want to get this done or not before he comes back?"

Koyama smiles a little as he follows, can't help but punch Shige's arm again before getting down once more to wrestle with the boxes.

… …

When Koyama thinks about it, he's glad that they took all those years to come together. Yamapi laments the time they wasted, but Koyama is a positive person and he knows that they didn't waste all that time anyway. It's all about timing. Perhaps if they'd gotten together near the start of NEWS' formation as the two gawky and immature boys as they'd been then, they wouldn't be here now. There would have been Moriuchi's resignation to tide through, Uchi and Kusano's scandals, and the half-year suspension. Yamapi would still have been sullen and reticent backstage, mourning the loss of 4TOPS, and Koyama would have been too much affected by Yamapi's moods to concentrate on the group.

Of course he wishes that they'd wised up earlier, realised that there was something special between them that could be worked towards. Lots of early misunderstandings would have been avoided. Enduring the suspension would have been much easier if they had spent it side by side, supporting each other as they waited for the announcement that would bring NEWS back to them. Yamapi would have been happier for a longer period of time.

But then Koyama knows that all that's just guesswork, there's no telling what might really have happened. They might not have been able to take the strain of a relationship alongside work problems. Quarrels might have happened; anger and unhappiness and harsh words brought on by stress. Koyama knows that it's better this way, that they've found each other at a time when love would be a comfort instead of a burden, when they're both grown up enough to know what's between them is something that can last. He wouldn't have it any other way.

… …

Koyama wakes up in the early hours of the morning to find himself shivering. Forcing open an eyelid, he sees the reason almost immediately; he's completely uncovered while Yamapi has more than his fair share of blankets.

He scowls and attempts to nick the blankets back, but Yamapi has an iron grip on them and it's almost impossible to do so without waking him up. So Koyama wakes him up.

"You've taken my blanket," he says, poking Yamapi hard on the cheek.

Yamapi sighs and turns his face away.

"I said, you've taken my blanket and I'm cold!"

"That's nice," Yamapi murmurs sleepily. "I like dumplings too."

Koyama stares at him, but Yamapi just buries his head in the blankets and refuses to budge.

In the end, Koyama opts for lifting up the blanket and crawling in beside Yamapi. Sometimes it’s really a mystery to him why he still puts up with this guy. He's sure that out there in the world of three billion men, he should be able to find one who isn't a selfish blanket hog. But then Yamapi makes a little happy sound and turns over to wrap his arms around him, and his body is soft and solid against Koyama's, hair softly tickling Koyama's nose, and Koyama lets himself remember that there is, after all, a reason why they're both here.

He falls asleep again in the warmth.

… …

For once the both of them are scheduled to have the day off, so they make it a point to draw the curtains tightly together and sleep in. But Koyama still wakes up sometime after ten o' clock and Yamapi doesn't stay in bed for sixteen hours at a time as he used to do. When Koyama starts up the coffee maker in the kitchen, he rolls out of bed and staggers to the bathroom to brush sleep out of his face.

Koyama's not usually expert at making eggs but this morning, by some trick of the stove, he manages to fry eggs sunny side up without ruining the yolks. Yamapi adds the salt and pepper and toasts the bread, taking care to cut out the crust from Koyama's bread because he doesn't like it. The newspaper arrives at their doorstep but since neither is into reading papers, they leave it on the sofa while bantering and stealing bits out of each other's breakfast. Yamapi burns the toast on the second round and Koyama complains, but obligingly scrapes out the burned bits into the kitchen sink so that they won't waste food.

Koyama, looking around at the little things that make this apartment their home, thinks of oblivious years and Ginza love songs and a lifetime ahead with countless more mornings like this.

Yamapi, surreptitiously plopping extra sugar into Koyama's coffee while Koyama is scraping the toast, thinks of the day ahead with nothing but the two of them and this quiet world.

end

A/N: Happy birthday, wid! I'm sorry if this fic is rather sketchy. Just remember it's the thought that counts, okay? <3 Have the best birthday ever.