[eunhyuk/donghae] twelve cupcakes [part five]

[catskilt.livejournal.com]

twelve cupcakes by catskilt
eunhyuk/donghae
nc-17; 3,423 words; multi-chapter
this is the fic where donghae is a baker and hyukjae is a prostitute, and together they make something out of the city of romance that is paris.

part one; part two; part three; part four



Part Five-

Emotional breakdown doesn't mean that Hyukjae can get out of work. One doesn't become Paris' most desired whore simply by looking good; it's a distinction that results from incredibly hard work. From Friday to Wednesday, he works an average of eleven hours per day, agreeing to last-minute appointments and extending his time for the regulars. He makes good money out of it; very good money, actually, from the generous tips that his satisfied regulars pour into his lap, but on Thursday he feels a blinding pain in his insides that lands him in the clinic, humbly accepting the verdict that he has to stay off sexual activities for at least a week.

"Besides," the doctor adds after his health check, "you're on the brink of burn out. Don't attempt going out of your house until you've slept properly."

Pierre is livid at the pronouncement. A dignitary from Monaco is scheduled to fly in for a special, twenty-four-hour arrangement in three days' time; Pierre now has the pleasing job of informing him that he has to postpone his appointment.

"Couldn't you have fallen sick next week?" Pierre moans.

Hyukjae just looks at him weakly from above his blanket cover. The pain is subsiding thanks to the antibiotics, but his body in general feels like it's been run over by a large truck. "I leave it to you to make the excuses."

"Want me to send any messages to that boyfriend of yours?" Pierre asks acidly.

"I don't have a boyfriend," Hyukjae says, and passes out.

… …

Four days later, running on more than ten hours of sleep per day, Hyukjae still doesn't feel much better. He has left the fantasy apartment in favour of his other more private and far less decorative flat in a residential neighbourhood; a small, cosy home that he'd bought for himself after realising that he really needed a place that doesn't remind him of his job. He has drawn the curtains in the fantasy apartment in case curious snoops try to zoom in with their DSLR camera lens, thrown open the curtains in his little home for the light and fresh air and made strong-smelling coffee at least ten times. He has watched way more television than he has in the past two years, practised a little dancing, cleaned up his flat, and still, because his mind is stubborn, he feels much like the day when the blinding pain started – shitty, miserable, and two steps from falling down a tall building and letting gravity take care of his fate.

He's fucking suicidal.

So he says when Pierre turns up with the red appointment book that's pretty much the centre of his life, the reason why he's able to live in such comfort, the reason why he's living at all, except that now it seems like the centre of his life has dropped out of focus.

"…postponed to next Wednesday," Pierre's saying, "so be prepared for a long day of work. We're lucky that everyone's been understanding so far, but we can't expect them to take it so quietly again – this is the second time in a month that you've been out…"

"I get it," Hyukjae says. "Close that book for a minute, will you?"

Pierre frowns at him, but closes the book anyway.

Hyukjae sits back in his plush, well-cushioned couch and rubs his temples. It suddenly occurs to him that in this huge city of diverse people, of cobblers and dancers and businessmen and film directors, the only friend he has is Pierre, a pimp of the highest order who lives his life around scheduling other people's sex lives. Well, he had Donghae too, but that didn't quite work out. And it occurs to him that it is, actually, pretty pathetic.

"It's not like I don't know," says Pierre. "You and that Korean boy of yours had a fight and you're heartbroken over him."

"I know that," Hyukjae says. "About you knowing, I mean. Don't think I haven't spotted Marcel following me every time I go to Donghae's place."

"I have to know what you're up to," says Pierre defensively. "I had to keep an eye on things in case you became too serious with that boy."

"He's the first person I've ever felt passion for," says Hyukjae.

"He won't be the only one," says Pierre.

"You don't get it," Hyukjae says. "I can fuck anybody I want. I've fucked princes and men so obscenely rich they have money coming out of their asses. They pay little fortunes for the privilege of getting fucked by me. But Donghae is the only one I've actually wanted to spend time with. I approached him, not the other way around. I was the one who put my hand down his pants."

"I'm not sure where you're going with this."

"He means a lot to me," Hyukjae says. "I laugh around him. He relaxes me. He was my friend in so many ways. I don't think it's something you can understand. So don't call him 'that boy of yours' or 'that boyfriend of yours'. His name is Lee Donghae."

Pierre scowls at his appointment book. "Are you going to quit being sentimental on me now?"

"He isn't in my life anymore," says Hyukjae. "That's something that should make you relieved. It's all over, he doesn't want to see me, and rightly, because I've never done anything of value for him except mess him up – and that's something I regret, getting him involved with me. But regardless, you should treat him with respect, and that includes not sending anyone, even Marcel, to his place anymore. Or his bakery, for that matter, unless you intend to buy something."

"Fine," says Pierre.

"I'll hold you to that," says Hyukjae, suddenly tired.

Pierre looks Hyukjae straight in the eye. "He doesn't love you, you know that. All these pretty sentiments about him – he doesn't feel the same way about you."

"I know," says Hyukjae. "There's no reason for him to love me."

"Well then," says Pierre, "can we get back to work?"

"Fine," says Hyukjae.

… …

It's a beautiful summer afternoon when he leaves the fantasy apartment the following week. He'd finished up early the night before, gotten his ten hours of sleep – when had he started sleeping so much? Is it healthy? – and decided to take a walk. Paris is warm, but not stiflingly so. He should walk for at least an hour, he thinks. Physical wellbeing and all that.

It's exactly a quarter past four when he finds himself turning into the small eclectic neighbourhood that houses both Donghae's bakery and miniscule flat. It's quiet and lazy, picturesque in the afternoon sunlight. A few tourists are adjusting their wide-range lens in the middle of the street. Hyukjae stations himself at the window display of a shop selling accessories made out of recycled materials and looks diagonally across at the bakery.

How funny it looks, he thinks. That big signboard with the Italian name, the storefront filled with childishly written, strangely endearing posters proclaiming today's Special Offer of the Day – how funny that everything should be entirely the same. Shouldn't something, at least something be changed?

The front door swings open and Donghae comes out with a boy Hyukjae doesn't recognise. They stand in front of the bakery, surveying the storefront and waving their hands around, and the boy shoves Donghae and Donghae shoves him back and they laugh. They continue talking and pointing, and Hyukjae watches them. Or perhaps, he thinks, watching is such a pale word, so unemotional - drinking in would be more appropriate for the way he's looking at Donghae, greedily and hungrily, as if he could drink Donghae in if he looked at him hard enough. And there he is, not doing anything special, just being normal and peaceful, busying himself with his work, happy in his friend's company, and then a sharp pain hits the corner of Hyukjae's heart where it hurts the most and he has to leave the shop, make his way to an alley and crouch there waiting for the pain waves to go away.

Why suffer through this? He wonders at himself, perplexed. Why go through this silly pain, when it doesn't achieve anything? When you've always known that you can't be a part of his life, that he can never love you – that nobody can love you, in fact, not even Pierre who knows you better than anyone else – why haven't you learned not to waste your time on such futile emotions? Why squat here feeling like a fool, hurting over a man whom you have no claim on?

He forces himself to stand up. Fuck you, Donghae had said. What else had he said? Fuck you and your whorish life and your…

Something like that, Hyukjae says to air. Well, then.

He walks out onto the main road and hails a cab. It's time to go back to work.

… …

"Hey, did you feel like someone was watching us?" Donghae asks Henry, who's perched on a ladder busily measuring the signboard.

"What?" Henry says.

"Did you feel like someone was…" Donghae turns and frowns at the shop diagonally opposite theirs, a store that sells really cool accessories made from all sorts of recycled objects. He'd once bought a bracelet made out of old vinyl records for Hyukjae and then hesitated in giving it to him in case that sign of commitment scared Hyukjae away.

"Three feet by…are you actually taking this down?" Henry demands. "God, sometimes I wonder who's the boss, you or me."

"For that, I'm not giving you your bonus," says Donghae. He wonders briefly if it had been Hyukjae watching them.

Then again – why would Hyukjae come back?

… …

It's one a.m. on a Saturday night, five weeks since the 'big emotional meltdown', as Hyukjae now terms it. He's done with customer number one and awaiting number two. He has forty minutes before customer number two arrives; Pierre gives him comfortable time between customers to soak in his bathtub and spray himself with cologne.

Customer number two is a new one. Hyukjae has warned Pierre that customer number two should not show any inclinations towards violence or arson; he has no wish to be used as a punching bag or cigarette tray again.

"Is there a lack of trust between us?" Pierre asked, offended. "Do you think I like paying your hospital bills?"

He gets out of the bath with ten minutes to spare. His body looks good; he's been working out a lot lately under the watchful eye of his personal trainer and the results are beginning to show. He'd also dyed his hair blond – he doesn't want to remember the pain of the bleaching process – and went for a couple of facial treatments. If he doesn't feel great, at least he looks great; and that's what people care about, isn't it?

He lounges on the couch and waits. The apartment is appropriately dimmed and seductive; a chamber of delights, one of his customers had whispered in his ear. Hyukjae had licked his neck and tried not to roll his eyes.

The door opens, and he turns his face slightly in the direction of the entrance. There's a bit of shuffling, the sound of shoes being kicked to the floor, and he resists the urge to look at the clock. "Hello," he says. "Let me take a look at you."

"Okay," says the new guy, and Hyukjae practically flies up from the couch.

"Donghae?!"

"Wow," Donghae says, stumbling a little over the step at the entrance. He moves into the living room, looks around at the décor with some amazement, and says again, "Wow."

"What in the name of everything in hell are you doing here?" Hyukjae demands. "How did you get this address?"

"From Pierre," Donghae says.

"Pierre? Pierre? No, wait…" Hyukjae's mind is going into overdrive, screaming a dozen different things at once, and one thing stands out more clearly than all the rest – his second customer is due in precisely thirty seconds and he has Donghae standing here in his living room. DISASTER! His mind shrieks. "You have to leave now. I mean, I have someone coming, and you can't be here, you have to leave…"

"Hyukjae, I'm that someone. This is my appointment slot."

"What?!"

"I'm your customer," Donghae says. "How else do you think I got in? You have more security than the president."

Hyukjae falls silent then, staring at him in shock.

"I'm your customer," Donghae repeats. "I made the booking ages ago. I have you till six o'clock."

"Why?" Hyukjae asks.

"Because you came to see me," Donghae says. "Didn't you? I asked the…that recycled store place. I knew I felt someone watching me. I asked them whether they had any customers who stood staring out of the window and they described you."

"What," says Hyukjae.

Donghae takes another step into the living room. "Is this how you always greet your customers? With that line – and your shirt half-unbuttoned?"

"No," says Hyukjae automatically. "Some of the regulars prefer me in other things. They specify – wait. You're my customer? That means you paid for me?"

"Obviously," Donghae says, and this time Hyukjae looks at him closely. Something is off about Donghae. His face is hard, slightly mocking, his lips half curled up. "I've had you for free till now, haven't I? But now it seems like the only way to have you is to pay for you."

Hyukjae doesn't say anything. He sits back down on the couch and stares blankly at the wall.

"Is that what you do with the other customers, too?" Donghae asks. "Sit there staring at the wall?"

"What do you want to do?" Hyukjae says.

"Fuck, of course," Donghae says. "What else would I come here for?"

"Nothing," Hyukjae agrees quietly, and Donghae's face suddenly changes. "Of course," Hyukjae adds as though he's talking to himself, low and sad. "Of course."

He stands up and unbuttons the rest of his shirt. "Do whatever you want," he says.

… …

They fuck, but this time it's Donghae who's in power, Donghae who's holding Hyukjae down on the bed and thrusting into him. Hyukjae doesn't say a word, doesn't push back against him or make all the correct movements, just lies there like a docile doll and lets Donghae have his way. His cheek is pressed against the pillow, his fists clenched around the blanket, and he barely reacts when Donghae lifts his hips for better access, simply squeezes his eyes shut when Donghae increases the speed until their bodies make smacking sounds with every thrust.

"Why don't you say anything?" Donghae pants. "Surely you didn't become the biggest whore in Paris simply by lying there like that."

"No," says Hyukjae, but he still makes no effort to participate in the proceedings.

Donghae stops abruptly. He can't quite put a word to the feeling in his heart right then, but it feels very much like pain and distress mixed, an oppressive sort of emotion that's strangling his breathing. Their lovemaking has never been like this. They've talked and laughed and teased, they've held each other close and clawed at one another, they've done it silently with nothing but the sounds of their jagged breaths saturating the air, but never like this, so submissively and possessively, so sadly. He thinks, what have we done? What happened to us? And thinking like this, his desire goes cold, and he can't remember how they ended up in bed, how he could possibly have thought that having sex would solve anything.

Hyukjae tenses when Donghae pulls out of him, evidently expecting something unpleasant to follow, but cocks his head in confusion when all Donghae does is drag himself to lie silently beside him. He continues to lie with his head pressed against the pillow, waiting for the ache in his ass to fade, and he knows that tears are leaking from under his closed eyelids but he doesn't want to open his eyes to acknowledge them.

"Hyukjae," says Donghae, and his voice sounds more like the loving Donghae he knows, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Mm," says Hyukjae, trying very hard not to clear his nose, which has irritatingly stuffed itself.

"I said things that I shouldn't have said, cause they aren't true. You aren't disgusting, and…I didn't mean any of it. I was just so…I misunderstood you. I thought you had been screwing around with me the whole time."

"Mm," Hyukjae says again.

"But the fact is, you came to me as soon as you could, right? You wanted to see me again?"

"Yes," says Hyukjae, because that much is true.

"That's enough for me," says Donghae. "It doesn't matter that you don't want to quit your job and put all your eggs with me, cause – well. I mean, I'm not the best basket around. I've never done anything to make you feel secure about being with me, um, full-time. I'm just this dumbass who found his way to Paris and set up a nondescript bakery."

"I like it," Hyukjae says. "Your bakery. I like it."

Donghae reaches over to tug at him. "Hyukjae, I don't care if you're crying! No, actually, I do care, because it means that you care enough about me to be hurt by me, and so if you're crying, all the more I should see it!"

Hyukjae puts an awkward hand over his face, but Donghae pulls it away to wipe the tears with his fingers. "I'm sorry, Hyukjae. I really am. I came here tonight to tell you so. I meant to, but when I saw your apartment and the way you were waiting – it hurt me, somehow, because…it never occurred to me before that this was what you did, and I wanted to be mean to you. I wanted to show you that you couldn't hurt me. But I was all wrong, I was just angry and jealous, and…what I really want is for us to…to be friends again, if nothing else, because you're one of the reasons why I'm happy here – the biggest reason. There's so much more to you than just being, being what you are, or what you do – you're such a beautiful person and you've brought me so much joy. I can't bear losing you."

Hyukjae listens to the entire incoherent speech in silence, and at the end of it he tries to say something, but his throat chokes up. He just looks at Donghae and cries, big wrenching undignified sobs like his heart is being tugged out of his throat, and Donghae puts his arms around him and cradles him like a child, intertwines their legs and kisses his hair.

"I don't deserve you," Hyukjae says at last when his voice allows. "I've been so terrible to you."

"You haven't," says Donghae. "Don't think about it anymore."

When they make love again they're face-to-face, kissing as their hips move in unison, as Hyukjae grips Donghae's back and pushes him against his body as though he could melt Donghae's body into his if he tried hard enough. Their link is warm, pulsating with desire and need, and Donghae almost whines when their mouths have to break apart for breath, urgently closes them together again. And they're still kissing when they come, quick and hard into each other, clinging on with arms and legs and trembling against one another until they cry out against one another's skins.

"I love you, I love you," Donghae says, and for the first time Hyukjae says, "I love you too", kisses away the surprise on Donghae's face.

They lie quietly together until Hyukjae moans and says, "I need you again, I can't stand it" and Donghae reciprocates, running his hand down to fondle Hyukjae's hardening cock. They'll stop somehow, he knows. They'll get tired and it'll be physically impossible to have sex anymore and they'll go to sleep and nearing the morning it'll be time for him to leave. And then who knows where they'll go after that? Who knows what will happen to their love, so boldly and difficultly declared?

But for the moment, he thinks, as Hyukjae turns him over to climb astride his hips, as Hyukjae pushes Donghae's cock into him and it feels so right that they should be a part of each other always, connected like this, one person like this –

"Let's make love until we die like this," Hyukjae whispers, and Donghae thinks, yes.


---
So, I lied. This isn't the final part. There will be one more! Thank you so much as always for all the comments and I hope this chapter makes up for the sadness of the last one!

Comments

[jewelf-13.livejournal.com]

yeay,,i'm so lucky..i just checked your LJ today,,and you updated!!!
and yeay!! again coz they made up already...
and yeay!!again and again...bottom!hyuk..........
this is the best update ever....
not final yet??hmm..i think it's going to have more dramas then
but i wished this fic won't end...haha...i love it so damn much~

[tees2mai.livejournal.com]

;______________; this better end happy or i'll cry at you forever

[rurouneko.livejournal.com]

;;;;;;;; I like this update omg

at last chapter I had a thought that hyukjae was a cold blooded person and not caring about donghae, but only his life.
but reading the first paragraphs and knowing hyuk was suffering so much..
Why go through this silly pain, when it doesn't achieve anything? When you've always known that you can't be a part of his life, that he can never love you – that nobody can love you, in fact, not even Pierre who knows you better than anyone else – why haven't you learned not to waste your time on such futile emotions? Why squat here feeling like a fool, hurting over a man whom you have no claim on?
This breaks my heart so much ;;

I'm really glad Donghae decided to come visit hyuk. tho he failed to show his intentions immediately and drank in jealousy but squee ;; since donghae was the last one that said fuck off to hyuk, it'd only be natural if he comes up to hyuk first cos hyuk wouldn't be able to get back at him after being told like that.

and this line,
"Hyukjae, I don't care if you're crying! No, actually, I do care, because it means that you care enough about me to be hurt by me, and so if you're crying, all the more I should see it!" kdjfkjdfgfd squeals omg hae TT-TT

and it feels so right that they should be a part of each other always, connected like this, one person like this – has nothing more to add ♥

[eunhae-holic86.livejournal.com]

spot
Happy ending plz
i dont want any heart broken Hyukjae
I thought Hyukkie is a bad ass
but in this chapter omo he is sensitive and cares for Donghae
p.s I love the making up scene =3
hot and everlasting kekekeke~

"Let's make love until we die like this," Hyukjae whispers, and Donghae thinks, yes.
me :' fuck yesssss'

[silentimes.livejournal.com]

from the moment I read the last lines of the previous chapter I had this thought that Donghae would come back to Hyukjae.. and he really did. After all what happened I feel like now their relationship will get much stronger, more caring and committed.
"I love you, I love you," Donghae says, and for the first time Hyukjae says, "I love you too", kisses away the surprise on Donghae's face.
oh, this is so lovely and delightful ♥

Seriously this story's ridiculously amazing because it has brought a lot of different emotions to me.

[tesa11.livejournal.com]

finally hyukjae...........the real youuuuuuuuuuuu :")
first I thought it will be end in bad way when donghae come and said hurtful words to hyuk...but in the end.../SOOBBBBSSSS//

[leunah23.livejournal.com]

OMG...this fic is really beautiful...and donghae's so freaking too good to be true...
darn...i cried so much when donghae was doing hyuk and the latter was like a ragdoll...that scene was soooooooooooooo freaking PAINFUL

when hyukjae cried...I CRIED MORE....arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!! this fic really made me cry soooooooooo much
im really glad i clicked on this...
will be waiting for your update :)
it's been so looooooooooooong since i found a chaptered fic that made me read all the chapters in one sitting

thanks so much for sharing this fic :)

[monkeylovefishy.livejournal.com]

Hot smexy smut O3O
Me gusta~

[changmin-amour.livejournal.com]

ahh, i thought everything between them was done for after donghae said he paid for hyukjae and the disaster that followed... i'm glad that it's all getting better now though!
thank you for the update!
and i love your writing, as always <3

[leeteukeunhae.livejournal.com]

I read all chapters in one go. and this story is really beautiful. I can't help. and I almost broke into tears when Donghae told Hyukjae to leave his bakery shop. And when he said those harsh words when he visited Hyukjae as his customers.
fuck, Donghae is really evil. but glad they made up already. and realized that both of them are loving each other.
sobs, I hope next chapter won't be so hurtful to read ;~;

thanks for writing this! ;~;

[jia028.livejournal.com]

beautiful ;-;
they finally made up

can't wait for the next!~

[ascalpeladay.livejournal.com]

I think I need a moment to compose myself and...
asbdfjahsldfhas;sjlnaskl SAKDFHASJKFHAJKLSDFNALEIAFWEHRKHAIEWUYF897D)_&u*(_y&*(efhajbshLJDBHASJDFBSKAULAS
I don't think I can compose myself to write coherently.

I love this. I hope that suffices. /creys so hard

[eunhaekyuminftw.livejournal.com]

OHGODDDDD . I'M SPEECHLESSSSS . dayum I'm glad they made up . and yes u did lied =.= oh wellll hopefully the ending would be a good one :')

[apieceofsilver.livejournal.com]

I've been a loyal reader of your works since I knew your talent existed. Thank you for all of them!
I haven't had the chance to com=mment of any of them since I didn't have an account then. But now I do. hehe... I'd like you to know that authors such as yourself have given me the push to write again. ^^ Thank you... My stories aren't here though, but maybe I can post it on my journal too.... anyway, going back to my purpose here, hehe... I really just want you to know how much I love your works and how much they move me. ^^
Thank you so much!
I will never stop loving your stories. ^^

[brattygurl2011.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that Hae snapped out of his thoughts and come back to reality, the reality that he loves Hyuk. Hyuk might be the "experienced" one who would be thought of as the one to hurt Hae's innocence, but it's because Hyuk knows the world and all it's unfairness that he was the one to be hurt even more than Hae. Hyuk saw Hae as a "normal" life and even though he knew it might be just a dream for him, he was able to live that normal life with Hae. So when Hae reminded Hyuk of his reality of being a whore as Hae puts it, it broke Hyuk. The one chance at a normal life suddenly disappeared because the one guy who could give him that life decides that Hyuk doesn't deserve it. And to have all of that come directly after Hyuk's client attacked him which was another reminder that Hyuk doesn't live a normal life. Hyuk was getting constant reminders at how different his life truly is - reminders from Pierre, his client then finally Hae, the one person Hyuk didn't expect or want reminders from.

But Hae finally realized that "normal" or not, he loves Hyuk whatever and whoever he is. He might not like what Hyuk does for a living, but he can't help but love him anyway. I was so mad when Hae treated Hyuk like a piece of meat, he was no better than Hyuk's clients, he was probably even worse since he had sex with revenge and punishment in mind. No wonder Hyuk didn't do anything other than lie there and wait for Hae to be done.

Hyuk and Hae's night ended happily (I guess), but does that mean they have a future? I'm not sure, but I guess no relationship has guarantees so they have a chance at happiness as much as the next couple.

[steeel-magnolia.livejournal.com]

I love this one so much.
Hyukjae stalking donghae, and donghae somehow knowing that its hyukjae..
Soulmates.
"Let's make love until we die like this,"-sounds like a great plan.><
Let this end happy pleasepleaseplease!

[jazzy4heard.livejournal.com]

I've been exactly waiting for this! excellent way to start my week.. XD
I dont mind that it gets longer.. hell, I might want it not to end..
this chapter totally makes up the sadness of the previous chapter.. and finally we got to see that Hyukjae is not selfish (that's what I thought).. but still, I could not accept his way of life fully.. It's very sincere of Donghae to really able to accept Hyukjae the way he is.. Hyukjae is lucky to be loved like that..
and viewing from the major happy tone of this pic, I assume this would end happily, non??
(≧∇≦)/ thanks for sharing!

[sailormoonsaber.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy they are back together. i was heart broken like hyukkie after the previous chapter. one of the best line ever

"I love you, I love you," Donghae says, and for the first time Hyukjae says, "I love you too", kisses away the surprise on Donghae's face.

please update soon