jewelledhours | [ryo/shige] love at thirteen (Reply)

title : love at thirteen
pairing : ryo/shige
author :

binmusic
rating : pg-13
words : 1620
summary : shige has a crush on the boy next door.
a/n : I'm more than a little rusty in regards to writing angst, and I don't think this is all that angsty actually. Maybe a bit sad is all. Please try to bear with me :D Fic is inspired and written to Almost Love by A Fine Frenzy ♥ Italicized text at the top are lyrics. Oh and if you're interested, this is my remix of a fic for the

jentfic_remix challenge which can be found here.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

He remembers hearing from the adults how children don't fall in love, they have crushes, minor and fleeting, barely there emotions that don't count. And that maybe, if they're lucky enough, it'll will be nothing more than a year of giggles and "I like yous," exchanged with boxed chocolates or flowers of the garden variety kind.

Shige figures they're wrong.

Because at the age of thirteen he had already fallen in love with his next door neighbor, and now, at twenty-two, he's not sure he ever fell out of it.

His name was Nishikido Ryo, offensive and usually grouchy, he had tanned skin and a feral grin that made Shige's heart beat that much harder. Ryo-chan, as he was known to his family and almost all the neighborhood aunties, wasn't your typical cookie-cutter Japanese son. Loud and mostly just outspoken, he never would've been a match for Shige's life partner, ideal or not.

Little girls dream of their fairy-tale romances and picturesque weddings with a sunset background and prince charming. Little boys had images of a life with hearty well-cooked meals and video games to last them a life and a non-existent bedtime.

Shige as a boy, had dreamt of returning home after a day of hard work to a wife, not model-like or waif thin but pretty enough, and a child, eager in learning and obedient of her parents. To Shige, love wasn't about the passion or desire but comfort and commitment.

Nishikido hadn't the broadest idea of what it meant to do household chores and he could've been called obedient, if buttering up his grandparents for penny cash and being on time for dinner were the requirements. Above it all, Nishikido was full-blooded and most definitely male. And he was what they'd call a hell-raiser, if only the term existed then and if only the adults knew of his crazy antics.

Shige remembers waking nightly to the clatter of overturned metal objects and mixed laughter of the trio, Akanishi gang, as they were called, of Yamashita Tomohisa, Akanishi Jin and Nishikido Ryo. As a child it hadn't been images of them stealing and breaking into local combinis he conjured up, but thoughts of them sneaking out to play cards and drink beers together that kept Shige up late into the early morning, waiting for the goodbyes from Yamashita and Akanishi and the shuttering of a window before falling back into sleep.

Part of Nishikido's allure and Shige's developing obsession with him rises from the mystery of unknowns and unanswered questions. And Shige finds himself falling for the older boy in name and for a persona he creates from bits and pieces.

In his late teens, Shige starts dating both boys and girls alike. He goes through all the motions of having a functional relationship, dinner and a movie, kissing in alleyways and familial introductions. It never works out.

Shige begins, not to replace his dates with Nishikido, but to compare them to him when in reality he's got no idea if Nishikido bottoms or tops, whether he enjoys buttered popcorn or salted ones or even if he's gay or not.

Shige unlatches a bra and wonders if the skin underneath Nishikido's customary grey t-shirt is just as smooth. While on the receiving end of a blowjob, he pictures Nishikido on his knees instead, mouth hot around him and comes from the ghost of that would be sensation alone. And when eating steak with a girlfriend he finds himself thinking if Nishikido would've cut the meat into little pieces and decides no, Nishikido would have eaten it in large bites befitting of an Osakan.

He thinks he might be obsessed with someone he's never said more than a handful of words a year to and it's probably true but Shige finds that he can't help himself, nor does he mind it much.

Nishikido doesn't move away, and neither does his family. They end up at the same college, Nishikido there because he's the only male grandson his grandfather has and Shige there because the other man is. They share the bulk of their classes together, usually sitting side by side or in the same row. Nishikido finds his own clique and Shige has a group of friends he's known since childhood.

He gets teased sometimes for staring at the blank spot where Nishikido stood on the lunch line or for smiling at the older man and exchanging pleasantries. Nishikido's nice enough to him, letting him walk first into the aisle at the end of class and opening the door for him when they leave the room. They walk the way home together in a way, silent and one after the other. Nishikido with his stereo headphones and book in hand while Shige's always two steps behind, heart in hand and mouth frozen with, "I like you, always have."

Nishikido drops out two years in, he stops showing up to Economics and the Professor asks Shige to alert Nishikido that if he misses another two classes he'll officially have failed. Shige doesn't bother. He finds Nishikido working at the corner combini, selling water and magazines with a smile that never quite works for him and Shige buys a water and donburi two days a week for lunch just to tell him that class is boring and the Professor spits even more lately.

The last vivid conversation Shige can remember having with Nishikido is across their front lawns on a hot and hazy summer afternoon. Shige gets told by his mother to invite the neighbors over for some barbecuing and instead of asking left or right, he throws an old newspaper onto Nishikido's porch to get the attention of the slumbering man.

"Hey?"

"Mom wants to know if you guys wants to barbecue together. Sorry if I woke you up from your nap."

"It's okay, I've got work soon anyway. Uh, I'll tell my parents. Thanks."

Shige's ready to walk away when Ryo gets up, yawning and stretching widely, arms extended high above his head.

"How's life these days? Haven't seen you around the combini lately."

"Oh, er, well finals are coming up. End of the semester and all. I'll be down there tomorrow."

Ryo smiles and picks up the paper, holding it in his hand, thwacking it against the bottom step he's seated on before tossing it back over.

"You come over a lot. Twice a week? Sometimes three times too. There's a cheaper combini a block away."

"Oh? I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me."

Shige kicks a pebble and watches it roll into the street. He finds Ryo staring at him and blushes, immediately raising a hand to scratch at his head and smooth his annoying newly cut hair down.

"My mother is always on my case about not talking to you more. Tell me Kato Shigeaki, is there any reason for me to talk to you besides answering you when you tell me that Professor Sakurai's spray has escalated beyond a two feet radius?"

Shige blinks and decides to tell the truth, "Probably not, I don't think you'd be interested in finding out I secretly talk to imaginary cats because I'm allergic to them in real life. Or that I regularly fail in general because even though I have an IQ of 100 plus, I can't properly make pasta without over-boiling it nor can I create a garden salad, what is that anyway?"

Shige watches as Ryo scrunches up his face in a cross of being incredibly constipated or about ready to call him crazy. He ends up bursting into laughter that finds him rolling on the pathwalk and lasts for a full four minutes.

"Are you always that long-winded? Why is it that you never say more than six words to me then? And why are they always, "The weather is cold today ne?" By the way, eleven minutes on the dot for the pasta, or even ten because they keep cooking internally after you drain them and if you'll invite me over next time, I'll make you a garden salad. Maybe a Caesar even, if you're lucky."

Shige smiles and grabs the newspaper off the lawn, "See you later then. Oh and by the way, dad has a habit of over-doing his pork so if you want some that you can actually chew and digest, do it yourself."

For weeks after that Shige's surprised at how easy going and amusing Nishikido actually is. And when he's introduced to Yamashita and Akanishi, he discovers that they really are as idiotic and impossibly endearing as Nishikido had told him about in the days before.

Shige's in front of his bedroom mirror, two feet away from where Nishikido had slipped into his room three nights ago for their new midnight routine of drinking a six pack of beer. He loosens the knot of his tie for a second to pull the collar of his stark white dress shirt down a bit just to touch the still red mark Nishikido had left on his collarbone.

A knock sounds on his door before his mom pokes her head in and tells him to hurry up or they'll be late. Shige takes the tie off and undoes the top button of his shirt before grabbing his suit jacket and making his way down the stairs.

It's a cool autumn evening and in an hour, Shige will find himself seated three rows down from Nishikido's parents at what is to be his boyfriend's funeral.