I read this chapter a couple of days ago and I usually post a comment immediately after I finish reading it, but this time I didn't know what to say, not because I didn't have anything to say, but just the opposite, I had felt too much of everything that I didn't know how to say it. I'm not sure I know now how to say what I want to convey so you'll excuse me if I'm more confusing than I usually am.
This chapter made me both happy and sad. Even the ending, I think I should feel happy (and I guess to some extent I am happy) because they are still best friends and they still love each other even though they aren't really dating anymore and there's this air of impending happiness, but I can't help but feel sad with the ending because their current happiness (or at least Hae's POV) is based on compromise so neither are really and truly happy, but they are at the point where they are okay with how things are right now because it's better than how it was just weeks earlier. Am I even making sense?
I'm happy Hae didn't end up having an affair with that guy in China. I love how Hae realized that it would be so easy to fall into the habit of dating or having sex with random guys just to try to forget Hyuk or to simply satisfy his needs, but each time he did that would take him a little bit further away from Hyuk and the possibility of them getting back together, not simply because Hyuk might feel disgusted with the new slutty Hae, but also because Hae would forget what a real relationship means and that Hyuk is the one who could give him a real relationship, and because after "dating around" Hae's definition of a relationship would change and Hyuk might not fit his new definition. I can't believe Hae was adult enough to realize it rather than letting the rush of emotions control him like it usually does. It's like Hae matured overnight and he's not going back to his immature, bratty self, which I should be happy about since I often said that Hyuk was the mature one of the relationship and Hae should "grow up" but now that he has, I hope that Hae doesn't completely lose his immature self since there's a part of that immature Hae that Hyuk loves too and Hyuk likes the role of taking care of Hae. See, once again I'm both happy and sad at Hae's transformation.
It's touching how Hae can't help but want to show everyone his love for Hyuk with his writing of Beautiful and wanting to perform it with Hyuk. And it's so sad how Hae constantly thinks of Hyuk is such a loving manner or reminisce about when they were together, but now he has to push those feelings aside for the sake of the group and for the sake of not wanting to pressure Hyuk with getting back together. It's like Hae has to live in a shadow of his past life and the life that he wants to go back to when they were dating and before the arguments started. I'm sure Hyuk is probably feeling the same way too. It's also sad that as they try to do the "right" thing for everyone they are willing to let their happiness go and are willing to go on like this forever. It doesn't seem like they are willing to rock the boat or be a little selfish for once and ask the members to give them a chance to be together, and that makes me angry that they are willing to be so complacent.
I am happy that they found each other because they are soulmates regardless of whether they date or not, and I'm happy that they know this about each other and even though they might not be able to tell the world or even their own bandmates, they know they love each other with every fiber of their being. But I'm sad that all of these feelings must be hidden.
Aside from EunHae, the stuff about Kangin and Hangeng are great elements to the story. I think these events, along with when they got into the car accident, play a big part of how SJ grew closer together to support each other. Maybe this will help Hyuk to feel comfortable enough to tell the others about his feelings for Hae. I like how Hae could understand how easy it was for Kangin to slip and do what he did because it's close to how Hae almost went down his own rabbit hole.
Anyway, I've rambled on long enough, well beyond long enough.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2013-03-07 06:53 am (UTC)This chapter made me both happy and sad. Even the ending, I think I should feel happy (and I guess to some extent I am happy) because they are still best friends and they still love each other even though they aren't really dating anymore and there's this air of impending happiness, but I can't help but feel sad with the ending because their current happiness (or at least Hae's POV) is based on compromise so neither are really and truly happy, but they are at the point where they are okay with how things are right now because it's better than how it was just weeks earlier. Am I even making sense?
I'm happy Hae didn't end up having an affair with that guy in China. I love how Hae realized that it would be so easy to fall into the habit of dating or having sex with random guys just to try to forget Hyuk or to simply satisfy his needs, but each time he did that would take him a little bit further away from Hyuk and the possibility of them getting back together, not simply because Hyuk might feel disgusted with the new slutty Hae, but also because Hae would forget what a real relationship means and that Hyuk is the one who could give him a real relationship, and because after "dating around" Hae's definition of a relationship would change and Hyuk might not fit his new definition. I can't believe Hae was adult enough to realize it rather than letting the rush of emotions control him like it usually does. It's like Hae matured overnight and he's not going back to his immature, bratty self, which I should be happy about since I often said that Hyuk was the mature one of the relationship and Hae should "grow up" but now that he has, I hope that Hae doesn't completely lose his immature self since there's a part of that immature Hae that Hyuk loves too and Hyuk likes the role of taking care of Hae. See, once again I'm both happy and sad at Hae's transformation.
It's touching how Hae can't help but want to show everyone his love for Hyuk with his writing of Beautiful and wanting to perform it with Hyuk. And it's so sad how Hae constantly thinks of Hyuk is such a loving manner or reminisce about when they were together, but now he has to push those feelings aside for the sake of the group and for the sake of not wanting to pressure Hyuk with getting back together. It's like Hae has to live in a shadow of his past life and the life that he wants to go back to when they were dating and before the arguments started. I'm sure Hyuk is probably feeling the same way too. It's also sad that as they try to do the "right" thing for everyone they are willing to let their happiness go and are willing to go on like this forever. It doesn't seem like they are willing to rock the boat or be a little selfish for once and ask the members to give them a chance to be together, and that makes me angry that they are willing to be so complacent.
I am happy that they found each other because they are soulmates regardless of whether they date or not, and I'm happy that they know this about each other and even though they might not be able to tell the world or even their own bandmates, they know they love each other with every fiber of their being. But I'm sad that all of these feelings must be hidden.
Aside from EunHae, the stuff about Kangin and Hangeng are great elements to the story. I think these events, along with when they got into the car accident, play a big part of how SJ grew closer together to support each other. Maybe this will help Hyuk to feel comfortable enough to tell the others about his feelings for Hae. I like how Hae could understand how easy it was for Kangin to slip and do what he did because it's close to how Hae almost went down his own rabbit hole.
Anyway, I've rambled on long enough, well beyond long enough.